The Day the Circus Came to Town
by Ignored Genius
Summary: When the amis are scammed into adopting unusual pets, choking, pinching and hugs ensue. E.G&I.G production
1. Bousett and the Bear

Summary: When the Amis are scammed into adopting unusual pets, pinching, bear hugs and choking occurs; E.G & I.G Production.

.E.G&I.G Woo-hoo, new plot bunny, so many are buzzin' around in our empty heads.

The Day the Circus Came to Town

The Circus de Paris was going out of business due to popular demand, and M. Sydney Quarlow, ((Can you guess why we named him that??)) needed to get rid of all his animals and for a profit if he could. It was Laigle's daily misfortune to be passing this particular circus tent on a sunny Tuesday afternoon.

"You, sir, look like a well rounded young man," M. Sydney said taking his hat off and bowing, Bossuet laughed delightedly, "I'm afraid that you have been grossly misinformed."

"Oh, no! Monsieur! Not misinformed, not at all! But there is something missing about you," The ringmaster said slyly.

"Yeah, I know. Hair." Boussuet said lifting his cap and rubbing his bald head cheerfully.

"Not at all! Being bald suites your sunny disposition." The eagle of Meaux laughed heartily, "So I'm told! Then what?"

"A furry friend."

"What?" L'eagles asked confused.

"You know, a pet!"

"I'm living with a friend right now, I don't want to impose on his space."

"I'll give you a small pet, no one will know you have him."

"Well, what do you have?" Dear, naïve L'Aigle asked curiously.

"Oh, I'll bring him out. He's a doll."

L'eagles rocked gently back and fourth on his heels and whistled tunelessly as he patiently waited for Sydney Quarlow to return. A few moments later, the man materialized out of his tent, "Here we are!" Bossuet screamed and jumped back in horror as Quarlow brought fourth a full grown black bear on a chain, "What is that thing?"

"He's black bear. Can't you tell?"

"You said he was small!"

"He's small compared to the other animals." The ringmaster said, opening the flap to reveal an elephant and cougar inside the tent.

"That doesn't make him small!"

"But he likes you!"

"Why do you say that?" L'Aigle asked cautiously, stepping away from the bear that was trying to lick his hand.

"Please take him, if you don't I'll have to kill him and his family."

"Why his family?"

"I can't have any witnesses." Quarlow said darkly opening a switchblade.

"Okay, okay I'll take him! Don't kill 'em." Bossuet said patting the bear on the head.

"Excellent. Thank you Monsieur for your patronage." The ringmaster smiled ominously and tossed him the chain/leash, "Have a good day." And with that he disappeared into his tent again.

The eagle looked down at his new companion dejectedly, "Musichetta and Joly are not gonna be happy with you." The bear, of course, was not paying attention, but instead, was snuffling something interesting in a garbage can, "No, time to go home, bear." L'eagles said, gently tugging at the leash; the bear ignored him. "Please, I'm hungry, I wanna eat!" He continued, when the bear refused he whistled sharply, "C'mon already!" the bear then got off the trash can and on its hind legs and lumbered towards L'eagles who trembled violently, "Oh my god, don't eat me!" He cried frantically as he closed his eyes tightly waiting for impact. When he felt the bear's paws on his back he thought he was going to soil himself and did what any man would do in a situation like this, he screamed loudly.

Sydney Quarlow stuck his head out the tent flap to see what the ruckus was about, "Oh, I forgot to mention, I trained him to give bear hugs, it seemed like a good idea at the time. He's a big softie, people didn't think it was cute though." ((E.G and I.G Remember folks, these are circus animals, they're socialized and human friendly… don't ask where he got an American black bear. It just won't make sense…))

"C-can't imagine why." L'eagles said as he stood stiff as a board as the bear laid its chin on the top of his head, knocking his cap askew. "H-h-how do I m-make him stop?" He asked hurriedly.

"Well, hug him back!" The ringmaster said waving his hand like it was the stupidest thing he's ever heard. "Oh, little hint. Don't look him in the eyes, they take that as a threat." The man retreated back into the tent as Bossuet timidly wrapped his arms around the bear. The bear yawned and hopped down and a stunned Eagle hobbled down the street.

**I.G & E.G: DID YOU LIKE IT!?!?! HATE IT (screw you!)?!?! Think it could be better! Please, if you don't review, we'll kill Marius… and if you hate Marius, we'll kill Gavroche…**

**I.G: Hold up. I don't wanna kill Gavvie. He's just a kid and he already died.**

**E.G: Fine fine, if you don't review –pulls out carbine and points it at I.G's head- I'll kill I.G  
I.G: Do what she says! Save meeee! Pwease? –puppy eyes-**


	2. Combeferre And the Cockatoo

**Slightly later that day**

"You sir, look like a well rounded _wealthy_ young man." Our Sydney Quarlow said as he made a deep bow before Combeferre as he passed by Quarlow's circus that the reader was acquainted with in the last chapter.

"Well, what a nice and ominous thing to say." Combeferre said uneasily adjusting his glasses.

"It is my pleasure, dear sir. But I must say, something is missing about you, you need a companion of some kind."

"Eh?"

"A pet, lucky you, I'm selling a few at a cheap price."

"I'd love a cat or dog, but the land lady is allergic to pet dander and I don't want to get evicted for the sake of some companionship."

"Oh, well, how 'bout a bird?"

"A bird?"

"Wings, beak, beautiful animals, talks and sings?" Quarlow suggested.

"I know what a bird is." Combeferre said flatly, losing interest.

"Don't you want to see him?"

"I've got to go to class." The doctor lied as he began to walk away he was actually on his way home.

"It'll only take a second!" The ringmaster said as he quickly darted inside the tent, coming back out only a moment later with a large white bird on his arm. "Here we are!"

"He's beautiful!". Combeferre admired this stately bird of yore, (cookie if you get the reference) and gently stroked it's back.

"He's an sulfur crested cockatoo naturally from Australia but I bred this one myself. In the show he sang little ditties." Combeferre extended the bird's wing and examined it much like the curious doctor he was, "He sings?"

"He also talks."

"He repeats, you mean." Combeferre corrected lightly.

"Well, yes. Birdie," the cockatoo looked up at the ringmaster, "What is two plus two?"

"Four!" the bird shouted joyously. Quarlow began whistling one of the tunes popular in the day. ((I am not a notary, tis the fault of Voltaire!)) And bird began to whistle along with him before bursting into song. Combeferre took out his wallet/purse, "How much is this delightful little animal?"

"13 francs." the ringmaster said holding out his left hand and withholding the bird on his right. "Deal." The doctor replied handing him the large amount. Quarlow pocketed the money, handed the bird to Combeferre and tipped his hat, "Thank you for you patronage, sir, it is deeply appreciated." Combeferre repeated the gesture and walked away.

**SEVERAL BLOCKS LATER**

Combeferre stroked his new pet ((Of which he had named Aristotle)) as it whistled happily until they passed a well-dressed woman on the street. Combeferre touched the brim of his hat politely but his bird had other plans.

"#&*^$%!!" Aristotle screamed at the woman once they had passed. The woman turned indignantly and slapped Combeferre hard across the cheek. "That wasn't me! It was the bird!" He cried, shocked whilst putting his hand on his slapped face. "Pffffft, yeah right, jerk." The woman said. The doctor stood astonished as the lady stalked around the corner before turning his amazement at Aristotle "You-you just—." To answer him, Aristotle climbed up his sleeve and onto his shoulder and then proceeded in screaming profanities into his ear.

Combeferre tried to quiet the bird but only managed to have the bird snap at his hand and scratch a hole in his shirt, he let out a dejected sigh as Aristotle screamed another swear at a passing young woman; she too slapped him across the face. The poor doctor hurried home.

**The Poor Doctor's Home**

"Come on Aristotle, get offa me." Combeferre said patiently as he held his hand up for the bird to hop on. Aristotle screeched and bit the hand that fed him.

"Ow! C'mon, off! I've got to study!" Combeferre cried, starting to get a little aggravated. Aristotle screamed words that no sailor ever knew before grabbing his glasses and pulling them off his face.

"My glasses! I can't see without them, give 'em back!" Combeferre cried in horror. And thus, Combeferre spend the rest of the evening and night listening to his bird scream/swear.

**Shortly Later**

"You sir, look like a well rounded young man," Quarlow said respectfully.

"What on earth gave you that idea?" Feuilly asked indignantly, adjusting his ratty cap.

"You just have a certain look about you, and I can tell that you have no little companion.

Feuilly shook his head, "I don't have one,"

"Well, young sir, let me show you a friend of mine!" Quarlow darted into the tent and returned with a small rodent, a ferret. "Here he is!"

Feuilly stared at the little animal, "What is he?" he asked as he took the little animal that Quarlow offered him.

"This is a ferret. This little fella was part of my costume, he would drape around my neck like a cravat and spring to life in the middle of the show and run into the crowd, people just adored it!"  
"Then why's your circus closing?" Feuilly asked, smiling as the ferret ran across his shoulders.

"_**Many**_ people got rabies," The ringmaster nodded and hurried back into his tent, "Well, thank you, young sir, I very much appreciate your patronage," He snapped the flaps shut.

"Wait! What does it eat?" Feuilly cried, shocked as he picked the ferret up off his shoulder.

"Leafy greens!" Quarlow called back.

"D'ohhh! I can't afford that!" Feuilly said dejectedly before holding his ferret up to eye level, "Oh well, you're a garbage rodent now! I'll call you . . . Warsaw! Poland forever!" He then held him away from his face, "Please don't bite me," he then placed Warsaw back on his shoulder and continued his stroll down the street, talking in Polish to it as he went.


	3. Marius and the Monkey

**E.G&I.G: We're really really sorry!!! Please don't hate us for not updating in a while; we didn't mean to, honest! So because of late update, we decided to make this chappie real long. :D But once again, we're sincerely for not updating. Happy St. Patrick's Day, everyone!**

**LATER THAT DAY**

"You sir, look like a well rounded young man," Quarlow said smiling at a very surprised Marius.

"Oh, uh— Thanks," Marius blushed.

"But you look lonely, if you don't mind me saying,"

Marius' hand automatically went to the handkerchief in his pocket, "I'm really not,"

"Not in a that way. As a child did you ever have a family dog?"

Marius' mind flashed to the memory of an old man with a heavy cane, "No, I never did have a dog or any sort of animal . . ."

"Well, no time like the present! I have just the pet for you," The ringmaster said, disappearing into the tent.

"But I can't--!" Marius said helplessly..

"Here we go!" The man remerged holding a small spider monkey.

"Uh, he's cute . . ." Marius said uneasily.

"That he is, sir! Here hold him!" The man set the monkey on Marius' shoulder before he could protest.

The monkey, who enjoyed the change of scenery, coiled his tail loosely around Marius' neck for balance, and wrapped his little furry arms around his head in a sort of hug.

"Aww, isn't that cute? Enjoy your new pet, young sir, I thank you heartily for your patronage," Quarlow made another deep bow to the surprised young Democrat and retreated into his tent. Marius opened his mouth to protest but he felt something strange tugging his hair. His monkey, being the social thing it was, had begun grooming his head: as is the singular attitude of primates. "Well you are kinda cute… And Cosette might think so too." Marius reassured himself.

Smiling, he confidently walked down the street, merrily making his way back home before he felt his new pet primate squirm then pang of pain on his backside.

"Youch!" He cried leaping several feet in the air then turning to see who his attacker was only to be severely shocked that he was the only one on the street. "Did you just…?" Marius reached up and tried to take the monkey off his shoulders; but as he reached his hand upwards to grab it, he felt a sharp slap on the knuckles. "Gah! What's wrong with this thing?" The lawyer asked in horror as he withdrew his hand. He tried again and got the same results. Poor Marius sighed, alas! He had been given a faulty animal! Quickly as he could, Marius hurried back home, trying to ignore the shocked cries of people who had been sexually harassed by his monkey.

**Shortly Late**

"You sir look like a well rounded young man," He parroted, taking his hat off.

Courfeyrac laughed, "I'm dreadfully sorry that you've been so misled!"

"Yet, you seem a bit empty," The ringmaster tapped his chin.

"Ah, yes, I'm on my way to see Lynette right now," Courfeyrac said good-naturedly.

"That's not what I mean, young sir," Quarlow said, "You don't have anything to take of, do you?"

"Not unless you count Marius,"

"So you do have a pet?"  
"What? An animal? No, he's my roommate!" Courfeyrac said with a grin, "I don't have time to care for a pet,"

"Ah, you don't have the time, but _I_ have just the thing!" Quarlow said, darting into his tent.

"Well, okay," Courfeyrac said shrugging.

"Here she is!" The ringmaster/conman said, pulling a cougar out on a rope.

Courfeyrac raised an eyebrow, "Uh . . . that thing's the size of a calf . . ."

"Yes! She's big like a dog, but independent like a cat!"

"Makes sense, kinda," Courfeyrac commented, scratching the cougar's ears as she stuck her nose into his pocket, "How much?"

"Oh, young sir! Such an animal of beauty and grace! I'll give her to you at a discount, 15 francs,"

"I'll give you ten," Courfeyrac bantered.

"Fourteen,"

"Twelve,"

"Fourteen,"

"Twelve,"

"Fourteen!"

"Twelve!" Courfeyrac laughed.

"Fine, twelve!"

Courfeyrac dug into his pocket, withdrew his pocket book and handed him the money, "So, what does this thing eat, anyway?"

The conman pocketed the money and grinned a particular grin known to the Thénardiers, "She's a bit more then a mouser."

"Oh, okay." Courfeyrac smiled and took the rope leash.

"Well, thank you, young sir . . . stay out of trouble," The man dashed into the tent.

"Hmm, guess I should name you, huh?" Courfeyrac asked his new friend as she rubbed against him, "I'll name you for Marius' sake—Corsica!" He laughed and tugged at the leash, "Well, I'll drop you off at home, meet Lynette and come back, sound fair?"

**MEANWHILE**

"Musichetta! I'm home!" Bossuet called, hanging his hat up ((I.G In a very 'I love Lucy' fashion' XD)).

"Oh good you're--!" Musichetta stopped short, "Um, who's y-your friend?" She asked, very frightened at the sight of the bear he was toting.

"Oh, him? He's my bear," Bossuet said happily patting him on the head.

"I can see that, but why do you have a bear?" Musichetta took a cautious step forward.

"Some fella on the street gave him to me, he's a real nice guy!"

"The fella or the bear?"

He smiled, "Both, here come say hello, just don't look him in they eyes, bears apparently think it's threatening." He went forward and took her hand and led her over to the bear that was making himself comfortable on the couch.

At the movement, the bear looked up and opened his mouth and stuck his tongue out. Musichetta smiled, "Aww, that's darling!" She kneeled in front of the bear and gave him a hug and was very surprised when the bear hugged her back, "What a cuddler! Aren't you just a bucket of cuddles! I'm going to _call _you cuddles from now on!"

"Cuddles? Really? . . . That's adorable,"


	4. Prouvaire and the Poodle

**E.G&I.G: Woo! We are on a roll! It is 1:31am and we are still typing! Best get it out of systems while the caffeine lasts.**

Enjolras briskly walked down the boulevard in a less then friendly neighborhood. Quarlow's magical circus was located in this particularly bad part of town.

"You, sir, look like a--" Quarlow began bowing.

"Not interested." Enjolras said flatly, keeping his pace and passing his tent.

"Oh, but sir!" Quarlow said, rushing in front of him and putting his hands up to stop him. "You seem very alone…"

"Alone? I have 7 best friends, 12 stalkers, and 18 restraining orders, I'm anything but alone." The revolutionary scowled as he attempted to push past the shorter and stouter man.

"Shit! My scheme, she falls apart!" Quarlow thought as he tugged at his collar, "uh, what I meant sir, is that you don't look like you have a furry companion,"

"Do I look like I want one?" He asked blandly.

"Yes, indeed you do, young sir!" Quarlow grabbed his arm and began pushing/leading him towards the tent.

"But that was sarcas—"

"Nonsense! Come in and take a look!" Quarlow then pulled him into his tent o' mystery ((und magical magic)).

"What is that?!" Enjolras demanded taking a few steps away from the two-ton elephant that was lazily eating the panther that was beside it.

"It's an elephant, and I think he's the perfect pet for you!"

"Are you off your block?!" The blonde shouted over the sound of the animals.

"A little bit, yes."

Enjolras shook his head and headed for the exit when the elephant dropped the panther and grabbed him about the waist and lifted him into the air. Enjolras' blue eyes widened in horror and he began thrash against the beast's trunk, "Put me down! Make him put me down!"

"I'm sorry, young sir, but he's your problem now!" Quarlow said as he unchained the elephant and swatted its hindquarters to get it running.

"HeEEeyy!!" Enjolras shouted as the elephant more or less threw poor Blondie onto his back and rumbled down the Parisian streets.

~*~*~*~*~*

MINUTES LATER

"You sir, look like a well rounded young man!" Quarlow said smiling at a poorly dressed poet whom was unfortunately walking past his tent.

"Oh, thank you," Jehan said looking up from his writing to smile.

"But you look alone . . ."

"I don't follow…"

"A--lone."

"You lost me . . ."

"A pet! You need a pet!"

"… I still don't get it. ..."

"Oh! C'mon." Quarlow grabbed his arm and began pulling him towards the tent.

"I need an adult! I need an adult!" Poor Prouvaire cried, suddenly terrified and OOC.

"No, listen." The ringmaster said slowly, "I want to sell you something that will be a constant inspiration for your writing."

"If that's the case, why didn't you say so? Lead the way, my good man!" Jehan said cheerfully, putting his notebook in his inside pocket.

"Oy vey." A very stressed Sydney Quarlow turned and muttered, then turning back he smiled, "Please wait here young sir whilst I collect the pet that I think would suite you and your-eh, personality best." He wanted to say 'suit your girliness best' but that would have been a deal breaker. The ringmaster darted inside the tent and Prouvaire scribbled in his notebook, already inspired to do some writing when he was back in a flash toting----

A poodle; a white standard poodle trotting along on a skinny little leash, Jehan squealed like a little girl. "She's adorable! What's her name?"

"Actually, it's a 'he', and I haven't named him."

"Well, why not? He doesn't have a stage name?"

"He's not a stage dog, he's a security dog! You see, young sir, in this city there are plenty of rascals, cutthroats and burglars. (Not to mention pesky police inspectors) He looks like a statue in the dark, but he's got a bite." Quarlow explained briefly.

"Why did you choose a poodle?" Jehan asked curiously.

"Well why not a poodle? They aren't foo-foo dogs."***

"Oh. So he doesn't do any tricks."

"I never said that. Here watch!" Quarlow said slyly before he whistled sharply and held up his hands, "Pup! Look here." He said excitedly whilst conducting an imaginary orchestra. The pup wagged his tail and stood on its hind legs and jumped about in a sort of dance. When our strange Quarlow put his hands down and reached inside his tent for a hula-hoop, he held it out and the dog jumped through it.

"As you can see young sir, I have just the pet for you." The ringmaster said smiling mischievously

"Golly, you sure do!" Prouvaire said, scratching the dog's head.

"You two just make such a pair." Quarlow said, closing the deal, "If I may be free to say, sir; this dog is just perfect for you. He is a guard dog and a companion at the same time, he'll protect you and you're fruity ass and love you unconditionally." Quarlow baited, " And I'll tell ya, that's hard to come by. But… Since you are such a perfect match, I'll give him to you for free. No charge."

"Why what a kind and strange thing for you to do." Prouvaire said sweetly, taking the leash from him and tipping his hat to the ringmaster who bowed deeply in return. "Thank you for you patronage, young sir." Quarlow said darting inside the tent.

"Patronage? What patronage, you _gave_ me a poodle."

No response. Jehan shrugged and patted his dog's head before taking the leash and walking on.

***** POODLES ARE NOT FOO-FOO DOGS!!! Poodles are German dogs, poodle comes from the German word 'pudel' meaning water, and the lousy haircuts are to keep the organs and joints warm. Foo-foo dogs –pffft-**


	5. Lions! Monkeys! And Bears! Oh Merde!

**Oh where are the sim-_PLE _joys of High school? Leaving me no time for writing stuuuuuff. Just a little bit of Camelot humor for you. :D I didn't like that show. Too out dated for me, but each to his own.**

**I don't own Les ****Misérables or Camelot but I own Quarlow and the animals. I'm so _lucky _I don't own any interesting or deep characters. All I got a circus freak and a poodle. **

**This chapter isn't very funny, but gotta get that pesky part of all stories (the plot) out of the way in order for hilarity to reign. **

Enjolras had tried everything to make the gargantuan animal stop to no avail. By now he did what any man would do in a situation such as this, other than wetting himself; scream in frustration.

"Stop, halt, impede, anything, just quit!" the blonde yelled desperately clinging to the elephant's ears. "ST-AAAAAH-P!" Perilously he looked down at the flying pavement and fleeing Parisians. If a passing stranger were to happen upon this scene it would have gone like this: A young blonde girl in men's clothes was screaming at an elephant to st-aaaaaah-p before taking a suicidal leap off the beast's back, landing on her feet before buckling to the ground.

"Ugh." Enjolras said profoundly as he pulled himself off the ground. As he stood and dusted himself off he made a dramatic glance in the direction the elephant had left. The elephant quickly realized that his load had vanished; turned and glared animatedly at Enjolras before barreling down the boulevard towards him. The young man ran as fast as he could before he felt the beast's trunk around his neck.

GO-AK!

*~*~*~*~*~*

"Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!" Poor Marius cried as he ascended the stairs to the flat he shared with Courfeyrac. Unfortunately for him, the monkey had taken a liking to his thick, curly black hair and was trying to pull it out. Hurriedly, he unlocked the door and rushed inside. Leaning against the wall, Marius shut his eyes and concentrated on something that wasn't attached to his head.

'Just ignore him, Marius; he has to get down sometime. . . . I wonder what Cosette is doing…' he let himself smile before opening his eyes. The young lawyer's face drained of all color at what his eyes met. . .

The mountain lion that Courfeyrac had dropped off at home was crouched and preparing to pounce on him. Moving faster then he had ever moved before Marius sprinted to the bedroom. And the monkey? He screamed his head off as primates do in terror.

Slamming the door shut, Marius looked around the room for a weapon he could use to defend himself. There was nothing at easy access; he would have had to broken apart the furniture for a decent club. Before he could come up with any solution he heard mountain lion clawing her way through the paper thin door. Now at _this _point in time, he would have to make the difficult decision or fight or flight. Is Marius a bear of average intelligence?

*~*~*~*~*~*

Speaking of bears! Let's see how things are going with L'aigle and Musichetta …? For sake of the timeline, let's say it's been a little while.

Cuddles slept like a large, fuzzy, and carnivorous/omnivorous log on Joly's sofa. In the kitchen area L'aigle and Musichetta sat and chatted for a while waiting for Joly.

"Where is he?" he asked in general.

"I don't know."

"Did he have any plans for today besides class?"

"All I know for sure is that I have to leave. Sewing circle with Cosette****, he'll understand." She rose from her chair and pulled on her raggedy bonnet. "Isn't there that revolution-y meeting today? He's probably there." Musichetta waved good bye and walked out the door.

Bing! "Oh no, you're right!" he cried after her. L'aigle started from his char and grabbed his hat and jacket. As he was about to turn the door knob a noise made him turn. The bear had lazily rolled off the sofa with a resounding 'fwump'. Unable to leave a strange animal in his best friend's house, the bald man grabbed the leash and tugged him out the door with him.

*~*~*~*~*~*

Combeferre hadn't had a scrap of peace since he bought Aristotle. He sat at the table staring at a book but finding it rather difficult to focus on words when there is a loud-ass bird on your shoulder.

"Quiet… quiet… quiet…" he droned miserably after every glass shattering shriek. His blood shot eyes rose from the book and glanced at the clock.

"Oh God the meeting's in a half hour. I'm canceling." He laid his face in his book. Aristotle responded to this by grabbing his hair and tugging his head off the table.

"Ok, so maybe I'm not canceling."

"&&(%(!!! &%$(!!!"

"What do you want from me?!" he cried wretchedly.

* * *

"That's disgusting!" Our dear Doctor, on the verge of a nervous breakdown thought of a solution 'if I bring him to the meeting, maybe we can use him as _target practice_.' He frowned, 'no, maybe not that. I'll return him after the meeting, the circus near the cafe.' Combeferre rose from his seat and left, careful to avoid any young ladies passing on the street.

*~*~*~*~*~*

Jehan merrily walked his Poodle, of whom he had named Quill and enjoyed a seemingly normal pet. What we may mention to hint you pertaining to the future is that Quarlow was a staunch Royalist. Moving along, he was on his way to a meeting, much like Feuilly a while ago he was unsuspecting and loving life. **((Just like in I.G's other story -cough- Shameless self promotion –cough-)) **It would seem all the Amis are in for quite a zoo don't you think, dear reader?

**Sewing circle with Cosette**** just popped in my head. It just seems they would have some stuff to talk about. Think of your own scenario if it helps.**


	6. What is This? A Zoo?

**I'm Bee-ack! Well… here ya go –dashes out before readers realize how long she's been gone- **

Marius was practically climbing up the wall in his panic, through the holes in the door he could see the green eyes of the puma fixated on his throat. On top of all his stress and fear the monkey was screaming, pulling his hair and scratching his neck. He had many things to fear, the panther that had nearly succeeded in breaking down the door and that his land lady would find his milk white and urine soaked corpse ripped to pieces so he did the only thing that he could have done; leapt out the window.

"Aaaaaaaah!" he and his monkey screamed as they hurdled towards the earth, thankfully Marius had regained enough of his senses to grab at the wall and his foot met an uneven brick, breaking his fall. ((OOC INPUT! "As they hurdled towards the earth, thankfully, inspector Javert was below them, he broke their fall thus ending his life "gee thanks mister.. mister?"))

The lawyer shakily climbed down and sat on the ground.

"Marius!" someone called. He looked up and leaning out the window was Courfeyrac. "Why did you jump out the window?" Corsica leapt onto the window sill next to him.

"The cougar!"

"Huh?"

"Oh God!" Marius leapt to his feet and ran towards the café.

"No, Marius, wait!" He looked at Corsica, "We'll catch up to him later."

"Courfeyrac! What the hell's all that noise?" The land lady hammered on the door, "You better pray to whatever God you pray to that there is no damage in that room!" Courfeyrac glanced around the room at the ruined door and torn bed sheets. "Oh boy."

**Meanwhile**

Prouvaire all but skipping towards the café with his poodle; let's move on to someone interesting.

**Someone Interesting**

Combeferre was the second to arrive at the meeting the first being Joly.

"Hello, Combeberre how dar you?"

"Caught another cold, Joly?"

"Yeb." He sniffled and looked at the parrot on his shoulder, "Prebby birb, where'd dou find him?"

"I bought this miserable creature from some man in a tent."

"He boesn't deem dat bad"

"He's exhausted from his last screaming fit."

It was then that Jehan all but skipped inside.

"Hello world!"

"Gah! A Dog!" Joly said as he pressed his hankie against his nose and mouth, "I'm allergic!" Jehan took a far seat far from everyone and patted Quill on the head.

The next few events were quite bewildering to everyone present. Fuielly somewhat wandered in and directly behind him was a hysterical Marius, then Bahorel, Grantaire and lastly Courfeyrac (making Marius even more hysterical).

"Are we all here?" Combeferre did a quick head count and wasn't surprised when he didn't see a bald one, "Bahorel, Grantaire… has anyone seen Enjolras?"

"He's not here?" Feuilly asked.

"But, he's never missed a meeting." Courfeyrac said, tossing Corsica a croissant.

"Well, that seals it, he's dead." Grantaire said dismally.

"What?" Combeferre looked at him disbelievingly.

"Apollo wouldn't miss a meeting, the only way he would was if he was dead, so there you have it."

Combeferre shook his head, "Calm down everyone just—"

Just then, the sound of a trumpeting elephant filled the air; it was followed shortly by a thud and a painful groan.

"What in heaven's name-?" A colorless Marius crept close to the door only to be nearly barreled into by Enjolras.

The young man was quite disheveled! Shirt torn, collar up, hair in face, seemed to be missing an ear, dirt smeared across his cheeks and forehead, and very out of breath. You get the picture!

" Oh, you _aren't_ dead, Apollo?" Grantaire asked.

Enjolras breathlessly shook his head as he slammed the door shut. "Not yet."

"Well, what happened?" Combeferre asked, pushing him into a chair.

"Some freak in a tent gave me an elephant." Enjolras swept a head through his hair in an attempt to get it out of his eyes but when he pulled back a muddy hand he discreetly wiped it on Marius' turned back. ((E.G: lawls)) "He apparently likes necks." that being said, he flipped his collar back down and revealed wide red marks.

"Ooh. Where is that brute now?" Jehan asked, absently petting Quill.

"Uh, outside. . . I don't know, it let go and I ran," He shrugged and stood, "I'm sorry I'm late, but, when there's an elephant after your hide; one doesn't really have time to think of previous plans." He then took a moment to scan the room and noticed the population of animals in the room was 5x what they were 3 days ago, "Where did these animals come from! Wait, let me guess; freak in a tent?"

Courfeyrac nodded, "My landlady won't let me keep Corsica in the room without me being there, and Lynnette left me for someone younger."( ((OOC Input! -He glared at Jehan, who was currently playing with Quill, shrugged, "She came onto me, bro,"))) The young womanizer frowned and looked gloomily out the window.

Feuilly smiled and pulled Warsaw from his pocket, where he was happily snoozing, and held him up, "This is Warsaw! He sleeps in my pocket so I don't have to buy a bed." He stroked the ferret's fuzzy head, "The man said something about rabies…"

Marius sighed dejectedly and pointed to the monkey on his shoulder, "This is Pinchy, he hates me and nearly got me killed. He has, however, made a hobby of trying to eat my ears and won't get off my shoulder."

"Pinchy?" Enjolras asked.

"Yeah, walk past my chair." Marius gestured for him to do so.

Enjolras did as he was told and as he passed, the monkey reached over and pinched his bottom.

"Oh sh—!" Enjolras leapt just about 3 feet in the air.

Courfeyrac laughed, "Pinchy's an excellent name for him, Marius!"

"And Corsica's an excellent name for her, Courfeyrac."

"What about that bird?" Enjolras asked Combeferre.

The young man frowned slightly, "Aristotle won't get off my shoulder either, and I think he was raised by sailors, see watch." Combeferre turned his head to face the sleeping bird, "Aristotle, Aristotle?" The bird, now roused from his slumber, whistled in response, "Good birdie! Now, 'the rain in Spain stays mainly on the?'"

The fowl let loose such a loud and long string of profanities that even Bahorel covered his ears.

"Jeez . . ." Enjolras murmured, blinking hard.

"Jeez! Jeez! Jeez!" Aristotle squawked happily into Combeferre's ear.

Just then Bossuet strolled in, Cuddles right behind him, "Good evening, fellows!"

The Amis recoiled at the sight of the full-grown bear.

"Oh sh*&!" Bahorel yelled.

"Sh*&! Sh*&!" Aristotle screeched.

"Where on earth did you get—never mind, the freak in the tent." Enjolras reminded himself, taking a few cautious steps away from Cuddles.

"Yeah, I got Cuddles from M. I-don't-know." He smiled.

"Cuddles? Really, Bossuet?" Courfeyrac asked.

"Musichetta named him."

"Wait! Busichetta bet hib?" Joly asked in horror.

"Yeah, she loved him!"

"Woe to the male bear named Cuddles!" Jehan said melodramatically.

"Woe to the white poodle named 'Quill'!" Bossuet jibbed equally melodramatically.

Then the unfortunate almost-lawyer whose eyes had yet to leave Corsica asked the blonde, "Wow, what happened to you?"

"The same man who gave you—Cuddles was it? Gave me an elephant."

Bossuet laughed, "And you took him?"

"Actually, he took me."

Bossuet laughed again, "What are ya gonna name him?"

Enjolras rubbed his hurting neck and replied sarcastically, "Strangles."

**WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT? TUNE IN NEXT JANUARY TO FIND OUT! (Not really, we'll update before then, promise)**


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